Originally posted 8 April 2021
Hey everyone, wall of text coming up!
This year I decided it’s the year I take my life back. I’ve had CRPS for 3 years now, in my left foot and starting to spread up and across. I stopped CrossFit (obviously), stopped singing in amateur musical productions, stopped going out at night at all, etc. I basically work and go home, cook, eat and go to bed.
Earlier this year, I was really struggling, pain was intense and relentless and I asked for a referral back to my pain specialist. I got the referral but the pain specialist declined to see me – he said he had prescribed everything he was willing to prescribe, and since I wasn’t taking those meds anymore, he didn’t have anything more to offer me.
After some emotion and anger, I decided I’d have to make my own plans. It was either give up or find a way to move on. So I threw myself into various alternative therapies, and started Operation Take My Life Back. Basically this consists of venturing out again I signed up for a musical, joined a choir and started going back to gym. I have a personal trainer who has some experience with chronic pain, so it’s not full on gym, but slow easing in with lots of breathing and nervous system stimulation.
Anyway, so that’s where I am now. There have been ups and downs. Sometimes I feel like I’ve taken on too much, but other times I feel the distraction is working. My pain is getting worse now, but I’m pretty sure it’s just the onset of winter. Looking back over the past 3 years, winter is not my friend. But now to the actual point of this post.
Which is how the heck do you cope with this condition and other stressful / emotional / difficult situations? Today I found out that one of my friends is really ill, a long term thing with a not great prognosis, and another friend’s husband has cancer. They are both looking for emotional support and I am depleted. I want to take my life back, I want to be happy, I want to be there for my friends and my family but I just don’t know how to keep it up. I feel like I’m juggling 3 more balls than I can cope with, balancing on a tightrope and it’s just a matter of time before it all comes tumbling down. And even with all of my issues, I’m the one who keeps it together for more than just myself and if I lose control then what then?
I know you all get this, you probably all have experienced similar at some point. I will get through it. But it does help me to write it all down, and I thank you for listening.