Originally posted 14 May 2018
It’s been a really intense 4 days. My husband had shoulder surgery on Friday, my good mood of the last few weeks came to a crashing halt on Saturday, probably because my course of steroids came to an end.
Sunday was a nothing of a Mother’s Day, no-one’s fault, shoulder surgery is a bit distracting! And then today I had my pain service appointment, where the lovely lady I saw told me I need to accept that I need to slow down. Which I know is true, but my whole personality is centred on rushing from one thing to the other.
And then on the way home from the pain service appointment, I was waiting at a bus stop, and stepped in front of an elderly guy while trying to see the next bus coming and he stopped and shouted at me. Really loudly and I was so upset and so embarrassed because I really didn’t mean to, and he was so nasty.
So when I got home, I sobbed for a good 5 minutes and felt really silly about it. And now I’m so tired and worn out, I really don’t want to go to work tomorrow, and trying to find something about tomorrow to look forward to.
This is my first post in this group, and I’m actually ok, just having a bad day. And I’ve read many of the posts of the last few months, and my case of CRPS is not as advanced as most of yours, and admire you all for your coping skills. And thanks for listening.
Looking back
This is my first ever post to a private FB group for people with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. I got my diagnosis in January 2018, and my initial injury that triggered CRPS happened in August 2017. I lurked in the group for a good few months before I said anything!
Looking back on this post I remember the feeling of having to slow down, and how alien it was to my personality and lifestyle. People used to tease me at work because I would literally half run between destinations. My daughter used to complain because I walked too fast. It was so much a part of me. I struggled with this at first, a lot! These days I am comfortable with a slower pace, and probably have a better quality of life for it.
The other thing I think about this post is that this was the beginning of the emotional dysregulation that comes with CRPS. I didn’t know what it was at the time and I found it disconcerting that I could be moved to tears by someone shouting at me, or even worse, someone getting my coffee order wrong! Now that I understand emotional dysregulation, I am much kinder to myself.