Originally posted 1 April 2020
Wow, I am so stressed out and so anxious. I keep getting what I think of as rising panic, then push it down, then up it comes again. I know that everyone has been affected by Covid-19, and lots of people are worse off than me, so I’m sorry if this post makes others feel bad.
I’ve just started a new job, last week, 2 days before lockdown started in NZ. I managed to get into the office on my first day, just for long enough to pick up my laptop and do the IT things necessary to get me started. Since then, my husband has lost his contract, and I’ve been told I need to take a 20% pay cut.
In addition, we are making some people redundant, and I’m the one who has to do it for my department. All of this combined has left me in a state where I just have nothing to give, I can’t muster a smile, I don’t have the energy to cry, but at the same time I’m just aware of this rising panic that I’m hoping I can keep at bay for long enough to get through this crisis. I have talked to my husband about it, and he’s there for me, but honestly, he’s going through his own stuff, and there’s a limit to how much I can throw at him.
Sorry again to vent here, this is really the only place I can openly share what I’m feeling, and I appreciate it so much, and try not to do it too often. I just needed to get this off my chest somewhere, I’m not sleeping, I feel sick, my foot hurts and I need to find a way to cope. I hope others in this group are doing ok. Take care of yourselves. And if you think it will help you, go ahead and vent right back to me. Kia kaha.
So much stress
This was such a stressful time. I had never met any of my team in person, and I had to make several people redundant, all via zoom calls. It only got worse from here on out. No wonder my hair fell out!