Originally posted 28 June 2019
I’m going through a rough patch. I have burning in both feet now, and aches in different parts of both hands. I’ve been struggling emotionally too, for almost 2 months, crying at random, and starting to feel more suicidal than I have before. I’ve started seeing a psychologist, hopefully that will help. For now, it feels like it’s made things worse because it’s brought everything to the surface. It’s not just CRPS. There’s so much other stuff, just like all of you, I’m sure. I’m feeling really tired.
The elephant in the room
It’s difficult to be open about this. I had many suicidal thoughts over the years. Some of my loved ones will see this and I’m sorry if this is disturbing. Thoughts are different from intent. When you are in so much pain and it is relentless, it is not so strange to think about it all ending. It’s not so much a desire to die, as a desire to have the pain end.
Again, thoughts are not intent. And here I am today, still in pain, but in a much better place mentally.